But First...

I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to continue writing this column. I’ve just been recently diagnosed with a rather serious condition, well, more of an aliment. Unfortunately, although scientists are frantically searching for a cure, none that I know of to date has been found for this rather disturbing problem.

This is an ailment many of us suffer from. Some of you, however, may not even know you have it, but, after reading about this affliction in my column, you may actually be able to discuss its symptoms with loved ones and friends—and you should, it’s that serious.

It’s called the “But First Syndrome.” You know, it’s when I decide to do the laundry…I start down the hall to the laundry room and notice the newspaper on the table. Ok, I’m going to do the laundry, BUT FIRST I read the newspaper. After which, I notice the mail stacked on the table. Ok, I’ll put the newspaper in the recycle bin, BUT FIRST, I’ll sort through that pile of mail and see if there are bills that need to be paid. Yes, there are—now, where did I put my checkbook?

Oops…there’s an empty glass on the table. I’ll look for the checkbook, later, BUT FIRST, I need to put that glass in the sink. On my way to the sink, I happen to look out the kitchen window and notice my poor flowers need water. I put the glass in the sink, and darn it; there’s the remote for the TV on the counter. What’s that doing there? I ask myself. I’ll just put it away, BUT FIRST, I need to water those plants! I head for the door and….Aaagh! Ok, I’ll put the remote away and water the plants, BUT FIRST, I need to feed the dog, which is darn nice of me considering we don’t even have a dog!

End of day: Laundry is not done, newspapers are still on the floor, the glass is still in the sink, bills unpaid, checkbook still lost—and the dog ate the remote control! When I try to figure out how come nothing got done all day, I’m baffled….I know I was busy all day long! What happened? Now, I remember the “BUT FIRST SYNDROME”. I realize this is a serious condition and I’ll get help! BUT FIRST, I should work on next month’s article, BUT before I do that, I think I’ll check my e-mail!

(Thanks Internet buddies for helping me with this article!) First appeared in The Crossroads Oct. 2001

Also in the book “The Rowboat Revisited”  under a different format but same information.