Walking can add minutes to your life.
This enables you at 85 years old
to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing
home at $7000 per month.
My grandpa started walking
five miles a day when he was 60.
Now he's 97 years old
and we don't know where he is.
I like long walks,
especially when they are taken
by people who annoy me.
I have to walk early in the morning,
before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
I joined a health club last year,
spent about 400 bucks.
Haven't lost a pound.
Apparently you have to go there.
Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise',
I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
The advantage of exercising every day
is so when you die, they'll say,
'Well, she looks good doesn't she?'
If you are going to try cross-country skiing,
start with a small country.
I know I got a lot of exercise
the last few years
just getting over the hill.
We all get heavier as we get older, it's
because there’s a lot more information in our heads.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it!
You could run this over to your friends
But just e-mail it to them – it’s easier!
I got this article in an email from a friend;
hope you enjoyed it. I did.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Baking a Cake
You know what’s fun to do on a cold, snowy day? Bake a cake! When I was a little girl I used to love the smell of cookies or cake baking in the oven, especially on cold snowy days. It was a special time when I could talk to my mother and tell her my problems. All the time I talked, Mom would bake.
Mom knew how to solve all my problems – a cookie and a glass of milk. One Saturday she was baking and I was going on and on about my problems…school, homework, friends…”How about a snack?” she said. What child would turn down a snack, especially a chocolate chip cookie hot out of the oven.
"Here, have some cooking oil." She poured a little oil into a glass.
“Yuck.” I turned up my nose.
"How about a couple raw eggs?”
"Gross, Mom."
"Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?"
"Mother, those are all yucky!" I remember the incident well.
“Yes,” my mother agreed, “All those things seem bad by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake! God works the same way,” Mom said.” Many times we wonder why He would let us go through such bad and difficult times. But God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good! We just have to trust Him and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful!"
And I thought I was baking; instead I was learning a life lesson!
Mom knew how to solve all my problems – a cookie and a glass of milk. One Saturday she was baking and I was going on and on about my problems…school, homework, friends…”How about a snack?” she said. What child would turn down a snack, especially a chocolate chip cookie hot out of the oven.
"Here, have some cooking oil." She poured a little oil into a glass.
“Yuck.” I turned up my nose.
"How about a couple raw eggs?”
"Gross, Mom."
"Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?"
"Mother, those are all yucky!" I remember the incident well.
“Yes,” my mother agreed, “All those things seem bad by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake! God works the same way,” Mom said.” Many times we wonder why He would let us go through such bad and difficult times. But God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good! We just have to trust Him and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful!"
And I thought I was baking; instead I was learning a life lesson!
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Curtain Rods
I did not write the following, but it sure made me chuckle when I read it. I just have to share it. Into the New Year we need a good laugh. Enjoy.
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days..
Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked
People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit. Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place. The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going.
He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back. Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.
A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home. And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!!
I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days..
Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked
People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit. Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place. The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going.
He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back. Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.
A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home. And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!!
I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)